Zip-Zap Those Metaphors Away — Let’s Get Inventive

by Joanne Wadsworth | Jul 15, 2012 | Author Blog

There are times as writers when we can’t help but use a metaphor to describe an image, but if we can, we should always go back over the scene and see if there’s a better way to “show” our reader, without their use. Let me draw the following scene for you, where a metaphor is used in the first line, and then we’re going to zip-zap it away.

Ana, a young woman, is visiting her friend in the countryside.  Ana has saddled up a horse from the stables, and is ready for a ride.

• Riding a horse was like riding a bike, Ana thought, lifting her face to the sun.  Once in the saddle, she felt like it had been only a day instead of years since the last time.  She knew she’d pay the price the next day, but she enjoyed the feeling of freedom she always felt when riding.  The chestnut mare, Mandy, was gentle but spunky.

In this above scene, the paragraph’s meaning is quite clear because of the metaphor.  Riding a horse is like riding a bike. And for Ana, it’s also been years since she felt that freedom. But as writers we need to extend these kinds of scenes, going past the obvious and bringing our reader along on the journey.  Ana may be going for a ride, but there’s so much more we can say.  I’m not sure about you, but there’s a definite picture forming in my mind of the scene, but the example above isn’t quite cementing it.  See what you think of the rewrite in the following example, and if the picture now becomes more clear.

• Lifting her face to the sun, Ana breathed in the fresh country air as it blew across the rolling green fields.  It had been years since she’d last been atop a horse, but no matter the length of time, the moment she’d set her booted foot in the silver stirrup and swung up, those years had melted away.  Even the smooth leather reins in her hands, and the gentle tug as the chestnut mare whinnied for release, made her itch to move, to give into the freedom of the ride.

In the rewrite, the metaphor is gone, and the picture I visualized has been brought to life.  I hope as you read the second example, that you too felt the metaphor wasn’t needed.  So if you can, take the time to be inventive and to visualize what you want to write, and then deliver it.  Search for those metaphors, and cut them out.  I’m sure your readers will thank you for it.

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Always “Show” — But take care when you do

by Joanne Wadsworth | Jul 8, 2012 | Author Blog

I’m a big fan of providing actual examples for writers, and today we’re going to tweak a paragraph of showing and to correct the visualization. You’ll see what I mean as you read, so let me draw the scene for you.

Luke is returning home to his father’s ranch after ten years away. Luke left on bad terms with his father, and his good friend, Susan, has convinced him to make amends. So Luke invites her along, and here they’ve just arrived.

• Shaking himself, Luke opened his door and gritted his teeth as he walked around to Susan’s side. She joined him as he walked stiffly down the short sidewalk to the porch and stopped at the front door. Taking a deep breath he peered inside a window, seeing no lights except the front room light. He sensed the tension radiating from the house, as if he’d never left it, but it was time to go inside.

Above, we’re given a step by step of Luke’s arrival at his father’s ranch, but there’s something missing. Obviously the passage is being drawn out to provide anticipation, but it could be better. So, let’s rewrite and “show” more precisely. Let’s use the ranch’s location to add some flavor to the scene, because as writers, we have to bring our reader along on the journey.

• Shaking his head, Luke gripped the truck’s door handle. With one push it clunked open and he set his booted feet on the gray gravel driveway. Gritting his teeth, he walked around to the passenger door where Susan stood, and he followed her gaze through the descending dark as she stared at the yellow weatherboard ranch house with its peeling paint and derelict porch. This was his childhood home, and it seemed nothing had changed, not even the deep breath he needed to take before setting off toward the front door. For within this house he’d felt only tension, and now it was time to go inside, and confront his father.

I hope you get my meaning. In the rewrite the reader is “shown” through the scene in a way that’s missing in the first example. More description is added and the writing extended. And the last line regarding tension has been corrected. For someone can’t actually sense tension radiating from an object like a house. We get the meaning in the first example, that the tension exists, but it needs to be tied to who felt it and who gave it. If you read the rewrite, you’ll see there’s a slight change to reword and correct in that last line.

Now, if you’ve enjoyed this week’s post, then tune in next week for some more bite-sized tidbits. Simply check out the right-hand side panel, and enter your email address to “follow the blog.” If you want, also click “like” on my FB author page to the right. I’d love you to join me.

The Facts on the Writing Process

by Joanne Wadsworth | Jul 1, 2012 | Author Blog

This is an interesting topic I’m going to delve into today, and one I’m driven to share, because the writing process is much the same for all of us, whether we’re on the road to publication or have already arrived there.

Let me give you some points to note, and I’ll do so in a bulleted running commentary for ease of reading. Because this is truly how the writing process works, and you’ll soon learn to trust in it.

• The task isn’t in the writing, but in the editing.
• Seriously, your first draft isn’t supposed to be that great. You’re supposed to just continue on right to the end without too much self-editing. (Now, isn’t that a relief.)
• Because as you write this first draft, your story will build, and you will come to know your characters’ personalities.
• The second draft will be better.
• The third better still.
• Now you see where I’m heading with this, because the more each chapter is rewritten, the better it’ll get.
• Which means most authors won’t even be able to tell you how many rewrites they did on a manuscript.
• Then you must learn how to self-edit your work, for this is a skill all writers need to master. Ensure you soak in all the advice that’s out there on the web, and there is a ton of it. There are great books, and writing forums, and of course other blog posts just like mine where editing tips are constantly shared. (Check out the other posts after this one, and you’ll see what I mean.)
• Because writing is a passion, and your enthusiasm will show in your written work.
• Happy rewriting everyone—and don’t forget to trust in the writing process.

As an aside—even now I am looking at the ten or so unpublished novels I’ve written over the last few years which are stacked on the shelves beside me. They are novels I wrote before I finally nailed by first publishing contract. Now all these earlier works are sitting there, waiting for me to begin the “writing process” on them all over again. Because I know I simply have to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite to get them to a publishable state. I’m sure all writers out there are the same, and let me know if you are for I enjoy reading your comments.

Now, if you liked this week’s post, then tune in next week for some more tidbits. Simply check out the right-hand side panel, and enter your email address to “follow the blog.” If you want, also click “like” on my FB author page to the right. I’d love you to join me.

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“Showing” Instead of Telling — Edit Your Own Writing

by Joanne Wadsworth | Jun 25, 2012 | Author Blog

I know writers love actual examples, and today I’ve picked a passage of writing where there’s a lot of telling. What we’re going to do is tweak it to visually “show” our reader instead. This is written in 3^rd Person from the heroine’s POV, and as you’re reading see if you can spot the areas that can be fixed to “show” rather than tell.

Let me set the scene. Marie’s father is involved in the mob, and Jack is an undercover cop tracking her to get to her father. Marie isn’t aware of who Jack is, but employs him as her bodyguard after shots are fired at her. Before too long, tensions explode between them, and Jack decides to take Marie out of town. It’s just the two of them in his truck, on a quiet road.

• Sitting next to Jack, his anger bouncing around the truck cab, Marie felt her emotions collide. This man drove her mad. One moment she felt like maybe they had a connection, then, bam, in the next breath he shattered it. He was dangerous on so many levels, and she was not up for more heartache.

It’s an intriguing passage, but I’m going to rewrite, taking into account that “showing emotions” strengthens a scene. Let’s show Jack’s anger and Marie’s tension in a way that draws the scene rather than tells. I also like how our hero and heroine are in a truck, but we could use the outside environment to add some flavor and bring the reader along for the ride.

• Sitting next to Jack in the truck’s cab, Marie felt the chill in the air as he released one puff of frosty breath after another. Her chest tightened, and she clawed her fingernails into the cold brown leather underneath her knees. One moment she felt like they had a connection, and in the next, bam, he shattered it. Their relationship was no different to the broken white markings on the road passing them by. Danger and mistrust lurked, for at the speed they were running, any heartache was more than she was up for.

I hope you get my meaning. In the rewrite the reader is “shown” through the scene in a way that’s missing in the first example. Be descriptive, and extend your writing. We have to draw a picture, as we see it from our own eyes.

Now, if you’ve enjoyed this week’s post, then tune in next week for some more tidbits. Simply check out the right-hand side panel, and enter your email address to “follow the blog.” If you want, also click “like” on my FB author page to the right. I’d love you to join me.

Quick Fixes In Writing

by Joanne Wadsworth | Jun 18, 2012 | Author Blog

Over the past few years I’ve discovered there are a large number of quick fixes in writing, particularly in dealing with the “context” of how a passage is written. And I’d like to share my experience with other writers, pointing out the simple fixes to return the balance of perspective for the reader.

In doing so, I’ll provide real writing examples, because I love to show. So let’s see if you can spot the mistakes within the first line of each example. All are written in 3^rd Person from the heroine’s POV.

• She heard the tap of John’s boots coming into the bedroom before she saw his tall, athletic body, his head held high, his stride firm.

I’ll rewrite to fix the sequence of events. Read the changes and see which of the two you believe is more accurate.

• She heard the tap of boots in the hallway. Someone was coming. The bedroom door opened and John strode in, his chin lifting, his white t-shirt pulling tight across a broad chest.

Both passages say the same thing–but which do you prefer? If you’ve noticed, in the first example we are “told” what is happening, and in the second there is a switch to “showing.” Do we really know who’s coming into a room before we see them? And how do we show an athletic body? How do we show a head held high? Read it again and see what you think. Is the rewrite more accurate?

Let’s do another example. To set the scene the heroine has rung her divorced mother, telling her she has a problem with her father.

• Anger sizzled down the phone line. “What has your father done now?” her mother asked.

I’ll rewrite to fix the context of writing, because can anger really sizzle down a line? No. We understand what is being said in the line, but there is a better way to “show” it.

• “What has your father done now?” her mother bit out, low and hard.

In this rewrite we hear the dialogue first–and this is the key. For how is our heroine meant to know her mother is angry before she even speaks? She can only know once she has, and only from the tone of her voice. Anger is an emotion, and not viewable down a phone line. It is heard, and therefore must be shown in the correct way.

I hope I’ve enlightened with these quick fixes in dealing with “context in writing.” If you’ve enjoyed this week’s post, then tune in next week for some more tidbits. Simply check out the right-hand side panel, and enter your email address to “follow the blog.” If you want, also click “like” on my FB author page to the right. I’d love you to join me.

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PROTECTOR–BUY THE BOOK: Amazon Kindle / B&N Nook / iTunes / Lyrical Press / Kobo.